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“Could I get a copy of that picture, just to see what she looks like?”
“No,” Clem answered, his voice firm. “I don’t got nothing.” He hung up the phone.
A week after I got the news of my mother’s death, I called my aunt Phyllis, her only sister. Clem had told me she had remarried and was living in a retirement community in Texas, just enough information for me to find her phone number. Despite Clem’s promise of the family’s anger, Phyl spoke with me for an hour and a half.
“Your mom loved you kids so much,” Phyl told me. “She loved you more than she loved herself.”
Phyl told me mom tried to reach me many times. My aunt was 73, but she too sounded younger, the Kansas accent flattening her tones. Your mother even went to your dad’s house in San Francisco to try to see you, she said. She said someone who worked for him answered the door (my mother thought it was a butler or a maid) and told my mom to never set foot in the vicinity again. Of course, this was a fantasy: my father lording over a batch of servants. Supposedly my mom called repeatedly. Phyl’s assurance made me doubt myself. Had she ever really called me? Why hadn’t I answered the phone? She went to your high school graduation, Phyl said. “You looked right at her,” she claimed. “But you wouldn’t speak to her, so she left.”
This story, at least, I had heard. When I was set to graduate from high school, I sent an invitation to my mother but didn’t receive a reply. I gave a speech, but there were hundreds in the audience, and the lights were in my eyes. My brother said later that he saw her there, phantom-like, hovering in the back. When I went to look for her, she was already gone.
My aunt said my mom wanted us to have the things my father could provide—private school, those imaginary butlers and maids—that she herself could not. And then she wanted us to make our own decisions about him. She never wanted us to hate our father the way she did.
Phyllis remembered the trip my mom and brother and I made to Kansas more than a year after the divorce. My mom hadn’t told anyone the news for many months, so it wasn’t surprising that she hadn’t spoken about her fantasies of suicide, her fears of starvation, or the way she would crack up at night. Nevertheless, my aunt said my mom was in a state of shock during the visit, withdrawn and barely speaking. I wish someone had known to help her more.
Later, Phyllis sent me a few things from my mother: two tiny paintings my mom had liked and probably picked up from the weekend garage sales she used to troll, as well as a few pictures of her in college, looking surprisingly young and pretty. She didn’t have pictures of me or my brother, save for some silhouettes she rescued from my mom’s attic. I remember these silhouettes: We had them made during a trip to Disneyland, and I find it somehow fitting that this final keepsake is but an outline.
After I got off the phone with Phyllis, I decided to call Kathy, the cousin to whom my mother was closest.
Kathy, too, told me how much my mom loved me, and said she used to have pictures of my brother and me all over the walls in her house. She said my mother told her that she had tried to be in touch with me but that I “wanted nothing to do with her.”
I think about the reasons a mother would need to believe her children betrayed her. The simplest answer is the sympathy such a story garnered, the wall of warm bodies it built around her, soothing her. Maybe she just couldn’t endure the idea that she had caused pain; there simply wasn’t room in her psyche to stand up and be accountable, as she’d been curled up in a little ball, ready for blows, for so long. And perhaps my mother needed a betrayer because she had been betrayed. Maybe the pictures on her walls weren’t really of us but of herself, the little girl she couldn’t remember. Somebody had betrayed that child. She lived through a horror that she couldn’t name because she couldn’t remember it. But she knew that she felt it, so it had to have been real. My brother and I were the people she remembered, and we had loved her and left her behind. We were the requisite beasts.
Kathy wondered out loud whether her brain cancer had been around much earlier than anybody knew, whether maybe cancer kept her from living in reality sometimes and she just learned to hide it.
Kathy described the day of my mother’s diagnosis. My mom had been to her local gym, but after her workout she just sat in a chair staring into space. The gym was closing, and an employee urged her to go home. She didn’t respond. The employee tried again; she seemed catatonic. Finally, my mother got up and walked away.
According to Kathy, Clem found her later, at home and in bed. When he walked into the bedroom, my mother started yelling: “Who are you? Get out of my house!” Clem ran for the neighbors, and she yelled at them, too. They called an ambulance, and at the hospital doctors ran scans and discovered the tumor. She later told Kathy that she didn’t remember a thing; she had no idea how she even drove home from the gym.

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The falangmei are often migrants from the countryside and perform contractual work under a proprietress (laobanniang) or a pimp (pitiao) who provide them with housing, clothing and food, as well as a cell phone and monthly subscription. They do not make much more money than a worker, unless they receive tips from the customers. Street girl (??, jienu) : The name explains everything. They solicit customers in the halls of the hotels, bars and other entertainment outlets. They may offer petting (shangbanchang, first half) or intercourse (xiabanchang, second half). Street prostitutes may be accompanied by a laobanniang or work on their own. They are those at greatest risk of being apprehended by the police. Underclass girl (???, xiagongpeng) : They live in urban slams, usually in construction sites. They fill a social and sexual void, as the migrant workers usually have left their wives at home, and are paid with food.
Some facts about prostitution in China.
A survey found that prostitutes were considered more trustworthy than government officials. Overall prostitutes ranked third on the list of professions behind farmers and religious workers. [Source: Insight China magazine, 2009]
In general, Chinese are quite ignorant about the dangers of AIDS. Prostitutes in China regularly have sex with men without using condoms. Fifty percent of Chinese think that AIDS is transmitted by kissing. [Source: asiahealthcareblog.com]
If you choose to pursue treatment for your STD while in China expect that positive tests will be reported to the Ministry of Health. This can complicate matters if you own a business in China, or if you like to go in and out of the country often. [Source: asiahealthcareblog.com]
Even if you don’t speak Mandarin, Chinese will still notice when you come home with a prostitute and they will talk about it. An American woman who had lived in Beijing for twenty years with her husband, one day found out that he had five girlfriends spread across China, several children, and at least a Chinese wife. How? Well, she overheard her Chinese neighbors talking about a white man that lived in the neighborhood and was seen with different Chinese women, one of whom had a half-Chinese child. [Source: asiahealthcareblog.com]
A Japanese restaurant in Kunming, Yunnan Province used to serves sushi on the bodies of scantily clothed young girls. They had their body chilled in an ice room before lying on a table to have food served on them. [Source:factsanddetails.com]
Foreigners caught hiring prostitutes are usually fined and released. [Source:factsanddetails.com]
There is a demand for paying to take a young girl’s virginity. The price has risen since 2005, when prostitutes dressed as schoolgirls became fashionable in China’s sex trade. [Source: Stephanie Wang, Asia Times, 2009]

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I neither condemn nor applaud "sex-work", and, as a lusty old guy, I don’t deny having partaken of it. A victimless crime? Yes, I used to believe that. Now, I am not so sure.
I am on a new engineering assignment. I’ve been here in Korea for 8 weeks now. I won’t say exactly which city.
I had noticed quite a few "Russian" girls around the first place that I stayed. They were from many of the former Soviet Republics. A few were "very Caucasian", and were from the Ukraine and Russia. Most of the girls that I met were very "exotic" looking to my American eyes, having the most beautiful blend of Middle Eastern and Asian features. These girls are from places like Kazakhstan, Uzbekistan, and Kyrgyzstan.
Tricked into signing contracts in their homeland, they live in a nether-world of sexual bondage.
They agreed to, and signed, "contracts", that range from 6 months to 9 months, on average. They work in hostess bars, selling "juice drinks", and talking to patrons. Every club is different, but some rules are universal: If you are a man with enough money, you can pay the "bar-fine" to mama-san or to papa-san, and pay the girl her fee, and she is yours for an hour, a night, a weekend, whatever you can afford.
I met a girl from Uzbekistan. Her name means "flower" in her language. I met another girl that I got to know very well, her name means "honey" in Kyrgyzstan.
Both worked for one thing – – to send money home to their parents and to their siblings, so their family can eat every day. Noble young lasses, or very sad? Yes. Both.
And, whom do they work for? Ah, that gets interesting. Mama san and papa san are usually Korean. Their "manager" may be a shady ex-Russian type that I think of as being ex-KGB or "Russian Mafia".
The girls earn a "salary" that their managers thoughtfully "keep safely" for the girls. The girls are promised a paid return ticket home when their contract is finished.
The girls usually set their own fees for intimate time with a man. Some have the good sense to bank that money, or to mail their earnings directly home. Others are tricked into giving it to their managers for "safe keeping" and "investment". Many girls never see any of their money.

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“Contrary to what those foul feminists will tell you, the prostitute is not a victim,” he says. “If you talk to them, and I’ve met thousands, they don’t often find themselves victimised and exploited, but the middle-class intellectuals who formulate their opinions for them tell them that they are. There’s a whole rescue operation going on at the moment made up of social workers, community leaders and politicians, and it’s in their interests to find suffering. There is exploitation, but there is exploitation in all industries.”
Horsley is the product of a privileged and eccentric background, and he makes a living out of his outrageous behaviour and utterings. His attempt to recreate the depraved Parisian existence of his absinthe-fuelled artistic heroes makes him an easy target for derision, and, in fact, anger: only a poor little rich boy could play at being a prostitute and a heroin addict, and base a life philosophy on it. But he is up-front about his behaviour, unlike the rest of those one in 10 men who must feel there is something wrong with using a prostitute, or they wouldn’t be so keen to hide it. “Who are we to tell someone what parts they can and cannot sell of themselves?,” he asks. Prostitutes are not stupid, but they have different skills. You don’t get prostitutes telling the politicians how they should be earning a living, do you?”
Jacqui Smith believes demand dictates supply, an argument with a clear logic, and if there weren’t so many men like Horsley willing to pay for sex, women would not face the choice of entering an industry in which exploitation is rife. The oft-cited example is Sweden, where the buying of sex was criminalised almost a decade ago. In Lithuania and Finland it is already illegal to pay for sex with someone acting under coercion, as will happen here under the new legislation, and Norway is set to follow Sweden’s lead. But Sweden is the example cited by those who support the Smith reforms. When the law was passed there were around 2,500 sex workers; now there are just 500, and Sweden is the least popular human trafficking destination in Europe.
Making it an offence to pay for sex with anyone acting under coercion and where ignorance is no defence, even when the party paying for sex has asked and been lied to, is intended to scare a large sector of punters away from visiting prostitutes, not just trafficked workers. “It is middle-class people with jobs trying to control deviant behaviour,” says Horsley, dismissively.
As it is, it’s very easy, and often very cheap, to find paid-for sex. Every small town has always housed a brothel of some sort, where regulars would find sex and companionship in the arms of reliable women, but now you can go online and pick women like sweets. If it becomes less socially acceptable – because men are forced to assume most prostitutes are working under duress – and trickier in practical terms to find sex, the theory is that, as in Sweden, the industry will shrink.
The English Collective of Prostitutes, and Samantha, do not agree. “Where have those prostitutes in Sweden gone?” she asks. “They still need the money. They’ve gone underground. Or they’ve gone to work in other countries. There is still the same number of prostitutes around. If you don’t want to be found, you won’t be. They still have to pay the bills or feed a drug habit. The reasons they are prostitutes are still there. The further they crack down, the more underground we will have to go. So streetworkers will take more risks to earn the same amount per night, which is horrendous. You’re making yourself more vulnerable.”
Samantha no longer needs to work as a prostitute. She says she began out of necessity to support her family, though it was her husband who suggested it. He supported her during the rape trial but later turned violent and she fled the marriage. Does she regret starting? “That’s the sting in the tail. Obviously, if I could have my time again there is no way I would do it, but if I hadn’t, I wouldn’t have been raped and the private prosecution wouldn’t have been forthcoming. I had the support to do that and other women didn’t. I wouldn’t change that for the world.” Would she be happy if her kids did the same? “The only reason to do that type of work is money. I would be concerned if I was not supporting them.”
Someone who’s given the issue a lot of thought is Sam Roddick, a former prostitutes’ rights campaigner and owner of sex shops Coco de Mer. She also curated, with actress Emma Thompson, an exhibition about trafficking called Journey. “Trafficking is nothing to do with prostitution,” she says. “It is slavery.”
Along with many others with a close interest in the business – even police, off the record – Roddick believes the only way forward is legalisation. “It’s an extraordinarily complex issue. There are a lot of problems because it’s an unregulated industry with no ethic attached to it. We need to inject some expectations into it and it has to be run by the women who are providing the services.”
She also has a theory about the people who use prostitutes. “Who’s the punter? The punter is everyman. And why is it growing? Because they’re disassociating from themselves sexually, and from their emotions. It’s an expression of self-hate. Men who go to prostitutes, no matter how much they think they are functional, are people who can’t be honest with themselves about who they are. When you scratch the surface and start to ask questions about their emotional relationship to their own sexuality, you find big dark holes.”

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Sometimes it can work out. A Thai girl might sell her body because she, or her family, have serious financial difficulties and this is the only option she has. She might jump at the chance to have a relationship with a foreigner who will take care of her.
On the other hand, some of the girls are quite mercenary and only ever think of money. Some are honest and will tell a man that if he can match what she can earn as a prostitute she will stop working.
Others will accept money from foreign men and tell the men they have stopped working, but will continue working.
There’s no easy answer and a third party know anything about the girl. It’s a case of following your instincts and gut feelings after getting to know the girl better.
If you have serious doubts or if you find that you just can’t trust her, I would advise just ending the relationship. I honestly wouldn’t waste money on trying to find out what she is really up to. If you start thinking along these lines it means that your instincts aren’t good. That being the case, just end it and spare yourself any emotional and, quite possibly, financial damage.
Stop Sex Trafficking.
Let Us Fight to End Women Trafficking In Burma.
The Recruitment And The Life In A Brothel.
In order to understand the business of sex trafficking, one should be able to understand the recruitment procedure. The Burmese girls who are trafficked are forced to become prostitute and to work in a submissive and humiliating environment. From the moment a girl has been recruited, she immediately becomes a sex slaves. According to the human trafficking website, trafficking is illegal and is a violation of human rights; however, most countries where the girls are trafficked do not do anything to stop the flow of young girls in the local brothels, since, most of the times, the officials are involved in the business.
Burma shares its borders with China, Bangladesh, Laos, Thailand and India. The villages around the borders are the places where most trafficking activities take place. For the trafficking in Thailand, the most important towns are Mae, in the northwest of Thailand; Mae Sot and Ranong, which is a town in southern Thailand. The latter is the one of the cities with the highest rate of human trafficking, specially, the trafficking of Burmese women. In the North, around the borders closed to China, there is another town called Ruili, which is ten miles from Burma’s borders, where trafficking and drugs deals take place. In this little town there are millions of Burmese who had crossed the borders who work in brothel to serve the needs of Chinese. Some of them are recruited by wife brokers to marry Chinese men. Now, the question is: How did the girls get there?
Recruiting girls to become sex slaves happens a lot in villages and rural counties in Burma where the minorities live; those neighborhoods are most affected by the economic crisis. The desire to escape poverty and to bring a better life to their family has caused most of young girls to become prostitute and to be detained by the recruiter. However, the technique used by the recruiters to push the girls into this path is really well planned. Most traffickers approach the poor families in those villages, telling them about the jobs opportunities available in the neighboring countries. They lure them into believing that the girls could work as maid, as waitress, as cook or any other jobs that require few skills. Most of the girls tend to be recruited by someone they know, he could be a teacher or a family member working for a big agent. Sometimes, their own parents sell them to become prostitute. Also, some girls who have been absent for while, usually return to the village to tell the other village girls how much money they are earning by working in a big city. Those girls are no longer simple prostitutes; they have become recruiters such as the other pimps. However, the awful truth in the story is the fact that ninety-eight percent of the Burmese girls, who are working in brothel, in Thailand or China, did not know what was waiting for them once they have crossed the border.
The recruiters usually give money to their families. It could be an amount of money ranged between $40 and $800. Once they end the money to the girls’ families, the girls become theirs and in those cases, there is no turning back for those girls who enter an unknown world. Once the girls are in the hands of the master, they are object to sexual abuse and other type of violence. However, rape is uncommon because the price for a virgin girl is super high. In China, when Chinese men pay a bride broker to find him a woman, he expects the bride to be young and also a virgin. Due to the lack of women in China because of the one child policy, the demands for women abroad has become high, and young Burmese girls are often taken to work in brothel in china or as a future wife for a Chinese man. That is why most recruiters avoid raping any young girls to protect their purity and augment their price value.
Once the girls enter the country where they are destined to be work as slave, they are brought in brothel where they are immediately put on drug and beaten. That way the brothel owner could make sure that his new proprieties would become submissive and follow his orders. Most of the girls are too young to react and if one dares to do, she will receive a much more cruel treatment to transform her into an obedient and passive human being. Besides drugs and physical abuse, another technique is used to reduce the girls in the state of slavery: Brain washed. The brothel owners remind the girls of the debt they have towards them. According to the owners, the girls cost them a huge amount of money, therefore, they must work in order to repay them. This is what they called: Debt bondage . The money that the recruiters had given to their family is a sign of contract. They must pay the original amount plus the interest’s rate. Consequently, all the money that the girls earn, goes directly to the owners. None of them know where the money goes. Also, the brothel owner constantly threatens to turn them to the local police if they try to escape or to kill their family in their home country. Most of the Burmese girls know that it is illegal to be in those countries working as prostitutes. If they are put in jail, they will be deported back to their village. None of them would be able to face their family as someone who worked as a prostitute. The shame of being knows as prostitutes hold them from reacting, eventually, most of the girls stay in the brothel until they could earn their freedom. Those who are brought as wife just have to stay even if the husband is abusive or not. After all she is the property of her husband.

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